Thoughts Inspired by Popcorn FumesPosted: September 6, 2008
Love is an odd bird.
I enjoy cuddling with Esther. I love Esther. But cuddling with Esther does not make me feel satisfied. Satisfied might be a bad word. Completed, if you will. Now, there’s nothing wrong with Esther’s cuddling skills. That’s just how it is. I used to think this was because girls don’t smell like boy. (for the most part?)
But when I cuddle with male friends (don’t judge me; PG rated cuddle parties are all the rage) I find I run into the same problem. And they do smell like boy. So what’s up? Why isn’t that good enough? Why isn’t platonic love enough to keep me happy? It’s less complicated and longer lasting, like a good set of batteries. And with Foothill’s tiny dating pool, it would seem to be pretty much the extent of what lies ahead for a while.
Maybe it’s because when you are hugging someone who is just a friend, there isn’t the sense that you could do it forever and be perfectly content. Perhaps it’s because with friends, you have this idea that you have to let go after a reasonable amount of time lest you run into awkward territory–a problem one doesn’t really run into with a boyfriend. Maybe what I crave is permanence, or at least the illusion of it. Or maybe I’m just psychologically discontent with the idea of being single, still.
Anyhoot, that’s where my mind is right now.